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Personally, I feel a lot of compassion for people who are blundering their way through this new world. I spent a year in an ENM relationship doing just that—and looking back, I can see myself in many of these descriptions of bad behavior. I learned rather quickly that the Dec 2, 2022 Mission Ballroom Denver, CO Charley Crockett Poster shirt besides I will buy this utopian ideal of “anything goes as long as we’re honest” could, in practice, be corrupting, painful, and humiliating. It wasn’t because I personally was a bad-faith actor—as I said, I entered with an idealistic outlook—but rather, that I hadn’t taken the time to properly educate myself on what was required. Also—and perhaps most crucially—my partner at the time wasn’t really up for it. He went along with it because those were the only terms I was offering—at first uncertainly, then with a gusto which was mainly born out of a desire to “teach me a lesson.” He was hurt that I didn’t want to be with him exclusively, so then he slept with other people to show me what this hurt was like—and when he did, I was rarely allowed to express dismay because “I wanted this” and “this was my choice.” Both of which were true—I did want it, it was my choice—but I’ve never felt such searing hot jealousy as the time he came home from a wedding and explained that the reason he’d stopped replying to my messages halfway through the evening was because he was sleeping with a bridesmaid. As a friend said to me at the time: “There are only ever two people in an open relationship, the one who wants it and the one who’s crying themselves to sleep at night.” Somehow I was both.All of which is to say that I’m not here to call anyone out or point any fingers. I’d like to think that most people don’t have bad intentions—we’re all just trying our best. It’s just that as people calling themselves “non-monogamous” take up more and more space within the dating sphere, we must try to understand the emotional sticky patches—the murkiness, as well as the light. It clearly isn’t ever okay to make someone feel disposable—but it’s particularly not okay if you’re co-opting terms which have been specifically developed to guard against that. At this point, you’re not just hurting someone’s feelings, you’re making them question what right they have to be hurt—a strange kind of gaslighting.

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Official Dec 2, 2022 Mission Ballroom Denver, CO Charley Crockett Poster shirt

After a drunken night out, a friend sends me a link to an article by New York Times columnist Michelle Goldberg, a review of Rethinking Sex: A Provocation by Christine Emba, in which Emba explores the Dec 2, 2022 Mission Ballroom Denver, CO Charley Crockett Poster shirt besides I will buy this concept of “sexual liberation” as it currently exists. There’s one particular line, my friend says, which made her think of our discussion about ENM: “What passes for sex positivity is a culture of masochism disguised as hedonism. It’s what you get when you liberate sex without liberating women.” In a way, she says, this is how she feels about non-monogamy now: We are more liberated than ever before from the old strictures of monogamy—but we’re not evolved enough to know what to do with, or how to act in, our freedom.

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